diff --git a/packages/compiler/shims/hot-shots/v8.ts b/packages/compiler/shims/hot-shots/v8.ts
index 2c036408e..a8af7a19e 100644
--- a/packages/compiler/shims/hot-shots/v8.ts
+++ b/packages/compiler/shims/hot-shots/v8.ts
@@ -1,2 +1,952 @@
-export class StatsD {}
+// scriptc's built-in implementation of the `hot-shots` package, 8.x API.
+//
+// Programs whose installed hot-shots is 8.x compile this module in its
+// place (packages/compiler/src/frontend/package-shims.ts). It is a typed
+// port of hot-shots 8.5's StatsD client: the same datagrams, callbacks,
+// error messages and child-client sharing, over node:dgram (udp) and
+// node:net (tcp). The uds protocol needs the optional `unix-dgram` addon;
+// this entry serves programs where it is not installed, so uds reports
+// hot-shots' "not installed" error exactly as Node does.
+import * as dgram from "node:dgram";
+import * as dns from "node:dns";
+import * as net from "node:net";
+import * as os from "node:os";
+
+export type Tags = { [key: string]: string } | string[];
+
+export interface ClientOptions {
+  bufferFlushInterval?: number;
+  bufferHolder?: { buffer: string };
+  cacheDns?: boolean;
+  cacheDnsTtl?: number;
+  errorHandler?: (err: Error) => void;
+  globalTags?: Tags;
+  globalize?: boolean;
+  host?: string;
+  isChild?: boolean;
+  maxBufferSize?: number;
+  mock?: boolean;
+  path?: string;
+  port?: number;
+  prefix?: string;
+  protocol?: "tcp" | "udp" | "uds";
+  sampleRate?: number;
+  suffix?: string;
+  telegraf?: boolean;
+  useDefaultRoute?: boolean;
+  tagPrefix?: string;
+  tagSeparator?: string;
+  udsGracefulErrorHandling?: boolean;
+  udsGracefulRestartRateLimit?: number;
+  closingFlushInterval?: number;
+}
+
+export interface ChildClientOptions {
+  globalTags?: Tags;
+  prefix?: string;
+  suffix?: string;
+  errorHandler?: (err: Error) => void;
+}
+
+export interface CheckOptions {
+  /** A Unix timestamp; hot-shots also takes a Date, which this shim's
+   * option records cannot hold yet. */
+  date_happened?: number;
+  hostname?: string;
+  message?: string;
+}
+
+export interface DatadogChecks {
+  OK: 0;
+  WARNING: 1;
+  CRITICAL: 2;
+  UNKNOWN: 3;
+}
+
+export type DatadogChecksValues = 0 | 1 | 2 | 3;
+
+export interface EventOptions {
+  aggregation_key?: string;
+  alert_type?: "info" | "warning" | "success" | "error";
+  /** A Unix timestamp; hot-shots also takes a Date, which this shim's
+   * option records cannot hold yet. */
+  date_happened?: number;
+  hostname?: string;
+  priority?: "low" | "normal";
+  source_type_name?: string;
+}
+
+/** A send's completion: hot-shots passes `null` on success. */
+export type StatsCb = (error: Error | null | undefined, bytes?: any) => void;
+
+type SampleArg = number | Tags | StatsCb | undefined;
+type TagsArg = Tags | StatsCb | undefined;
+
+const PROTOCOL_TCP = "tcp";
+const PROTOCOL_UDS = "uds";
+const PROTOCOL_UDP = "udp";
+const UDS_DEFAULT_GRACEFUL_RESTART_LIMIT = 1000;
+const CACHE_DNS_TTL_DEFAULT = 60000;
+
+function udsErrorCodes(): number[] {
+  if (process.platform === "linux") {
+    return [os.constants.errno.ENOTCONN, os.constants.errno.ECONNREFUSED];
+  }
+  if (process.platform === "darwin") {
+    return [os.constants.errno.EDESTADDRREQ, os.constants.errno.ECONNRESET];
+  }
+  return [];
+}
+const UDS_ERROR_CODES = udsErrorCodes();
+
+// ── helpers ──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
+
+function sanitizeTags(value: string, telegraf: boolean): string {
+  const blacklist = telegraf ? /:|\||,/g : /:|\||@|,/g;
+  return String(value).replace(blacklist, "_");
+}
+
+function formatTags(tags: Tags, telegraf: boolean): string[] {
+  if (Array.isArray(tags)) return tags;
+  const out: string[] = [];
+  for (const key of Object.keys(tags)) {
+    out.push(`${sanitizeTags(key, telegraf)}:${sanitizeTags(tags[key]!, telegraf)}`);
+  }
+  return out;
+}
+
+function isArrayIndexKey(key: string): boolean {
+  return /^(0|[1-9]\d*)$/.test(key) && Number(key) < 4294967295;
+}
+
+function overrideTags(parent: string[], child: Tags, telegraf: boolean): string[] {
+  const childKeys: string[] = [];
+  const childValues = new Map<string, string[]>();
+  const toAppend: string[] = [];
+  for (const tag of formatTags(child, telegraf)) {
+    const idx = tag.indexOf(":");
+    if (idx < 1) {
+      toAppend.push(tag);
+    } else {
+      const key = tag.substring(0, idx);
+      const value = tag.substring(idx + 1);
+      let values = childValues.get(key);
+      if (values === undefined) {
+        values = [];
+        childValues.set(key, values);
+        childKeys.push(key);
+      }
+      values.push(value);
+    }
+  }
+  const result = parent.filter((tag) => {
+    const idx = tag.indexOf(":");
+    if (idx < 1) return true;
+    return !childValues.has(tag.substring(0, idx));
+  });
+  // hot-shots walks an object's keys: array-index keys ascending first,
+  // then the rest in insertion order.
+  const indexKeys = childKeys.filter(isArrayIndexKey).sort((a, b) => Number(a) - Number(b));
+  const ordered = indexKeys.concat(childKeys.filter((key) => !isArrayIndexKey(key)));
+  for (const key of ordered) {
+    for (const value of childValues.get(key)!) result.push(`${key}:${value}`);
+  }
+  return result.concat(toAppend);
+}
+
+function formatDate(date: number): number {
+  return Math.round(date);
+}
+
+function errorWithCode(message: string, code: string | undefined): Error {
+  const error: NodeJS.ErrnoException = new Error(message);
+  error.code = code;
+  return error;
+}
+
+// ── transports ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
+
+type SendCallback = (err: Error | null, bytes?: number) => void;
+
+/** The socket a client sends through (hot-shots' transport interface). */
+interface Transport {
+  createdAt: number;
+  send(buf: Buffer, callback: SendCallback): void;
+  close(): void;
+  onError(listener: (err: Error) => void): void;
+  offError(listener: (err: Error) => void): void;
+  onClose(listener: () => void): void;
+}
+
+/** A socket's 'error' listeners, kept by the transport (the typed
+ * sockets have no removeListener): one socket listener dispatches to a
+ * snapshot, and an error nobody listens for throws, as an unhandled
+ * 'error' event does. */
+class ErrorListeners {
+  private listeners: ((err: Error) => void)[] = [];
+  add(listener: (err: Error) => void): void {
+    this.listeners.push(listener);
+  }
+  remove(listener: (err: Error) => void): void {
+    const index = this.listeners.indexOf(listener);
+    if (index !== -1) this.listeners.splice(index, 1);
+  }
+  emit(err: Error): void {
+    const snapshot = this.listeners.slice();
+    if (snapshot.length === 0) throw err;
+    for (const listener of snapshot) listener(err);
+  }
+}
+
+function addEol(buf: Buffer): string {
+  let msg = buf.toString();
+  if (msg.length > 0 && msg[msg.length - 1] !== "\n") msg += "\n";
+  return msg;
+}
+
+class UdpTransport implements Transport {
+  createdAt = 0;
+  private readonly socket: dgram.Socket;
+  private readonly errors = new ErrorListeners();
+  private resolvedAddress: string | undefined = undefined;
+  private resolvedAt = 0;
+  private readonly host: string | undefined;
+  private readonly port: number;
+  private readonly cacheDns: boolean;
+  private readonly cacheDnsTtl: number;
+  constructor(host: string | undefined, port: number, cacheDns: boolean, cacheDnsTtl: number) {
+    this.host = host;
+    this.port = port;
+    this.cacheDns = cacheDns;
+    this.cacheDnsTtl = cacheDnsTtl;
+    this.socket = dgram.createSocket("udp4");
+    this.socket.unref();
+    this.socket.on("error", (err) => this.errors.emit(err));
+  }
+  send(buf: Buffer, callback: SendCallback): void {
+    if (!this.cacheDns) {
+      this.socket.send(buf, this.port, this.host || "127.0.0.1", callback);
+      return;
+    }
+    const now = Date.now();
+    const cached = this.resolvedAddress;
+    if (cached === undefined || now - this.resolvedAt > this.cacheDnsTtl) {
+      dns.lookup(this.host ?? "localhost", (error, address) => {
+        if (error) {
+          callback(error);
+          return;
+        }
+        this.resolvedAddress = address;
+        this.resolvedAt = now;
+        this.socket.send(buf, this.port, address, callback);
+      });
+    } else {
+      this.socket.send(buf, this.port, cached, callback);
+    }
+  }
+  close(): void {
+    this.socket.close();
+  }
+  onError(listener: (err: Error) => void): void {
+    this.errors.add(listener);
+  }
+  offError(listener: (err: Error) => void): void {
+    this.errors.remove(listener);
+  }
+  onClose(listener: () => void): void {
+    this.socket.on("close", listener);
+  }
+}
+
+class TcpTransport implements Transport {
+  createdAt = 0;
+  private readonly socket: net.Socket;
+  private readonly errors = new ErrorListeners();
+  constructor(host: string | undefined, port: number) {
+    this.socket = net.connect(port, host ?? "localhost");
+    this.socket.setKeepAlive(true);
+    this.socket.unref();
+    this.socket.on("error", (err) => this.errors.emit(err));
+  }
+  send(buf: Buffer, callback: SendCallback): void {
+    // The typed socket's write takes the data alone; the completion runs
+    // on the next tick.
+    this.socket.write(addEol(buf));
+    process.nextTick(() => callback(null));
+  }
+  close(): void {
+    this.socket.destroy();
+  }
+  onError(listener: (err: Error) => void): void {
+    this.errors.add(listener);
+  }
+  offError(listener: (err: Error) => void): void {
+    this.errors.remove(listener);
+  }
+  onClose(listener: () => void): void {
+    this.socket.on("close", () => listener());
+  }
+}
+
+/** hot-shots reaches Unix datagram sockets through the optional
+ * `unix-dgram` addon; this entry serves programs without it. */
+function createUdsTransport(): Transport {
+  throw new Error(
+    "The library `unix_dgram`, needed for the uds protocol to work, is not installed. " +
+      "You need to pick another protocol to use hot-shots. " +
+      "See the hot-shots README for additional details.",
+  );
+}
+
+function createTransport(client: StatsD): Transport | null {
+  let transport: Transport | null = null;
+  const protocol = client.protocol;
+  try {
+    if (protocol === PROTOCOL_TCP) {
+      transport = new TcpTransport(client.host, client.port);
+    } else if (protocol === PROTOCOL_UDS) {
+      transport = createUdsTransport();
+    } else if (protocol === PROTOCOL_UDP) {
+      transport = new UdpTransport(client.host, client.port, client.cacheDns, client.cacheDnsTtl);
+    } else {
+      throw new Error(`Unsupported protocol '${protocol}'`);
+    }
+    transport.createdAt = Date.now();
+  } catch (e) {
+    const handler = client.errorHandler;
+    if (handler) {
+      handler(e as Error);
+    } else {
+      console.error(e);
+    }
+  }
+  return transport;
+}
+
+// ── the client ───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
+
+class BufferHolder {
+  buffer = "";
+}
+
+/** What a child client inherits from its parent. */
+class ChildInit {
+  socket: Transport | null;
+  bufferHolder: BufferHolder;
+  dnsError: Error | undefined;
+  constructor(socket: Transport | null, bufferHolder: BufferHolder, dnsError: Error | undefined) {
+    this.socket = socket;
+    this.bufferHolder = bufferHolder;
+    this.dnsError = dnsError;
+  }
+}
+
+export class StatsD {
+  protocol: string;
+  cacheDns: boolean;
+  cacheDnsTtl: number;
+  host: string | undefined;
+  port: number;
+  path: string | undefined;
+  prefix: string;
+  suffix: string;
+  tagPrefix: string;
+  tagSeparator: string;
+  mock: boolean;
+  globalTags: string[];
+  telegraf: boolean;
+  maxBufferSize: number;
+  sampleRate: number;
+  bufferFlushInterval: number;
+  errorHandler: ((err: Error) => void) | undefined;
+  udsGracefulErrorHandling: boolean;
+  udsGracefulRestartRateLimit: number;
+  isChild: boolean;
+  closingFlushInterval: number;
+  mockBuffer: string[] | undefined = undefined;
+  messagesInFlight = 0;
+  CHECKS: DatadogChecks = { OK: 0, WARNING: 1, CRITICAL: 2, UNKNOWN: 3 };
+  private bufferHolder: BufferHolder;
+  private transport: Transport | null = null;
+  private dnsError: Error | undefined = undefined;
+  private stopFlushInterval: (() => void) | undefined = undefined;
+
+  constructor(options?: ClientOptions, child?: ChildInit) {
+    const o: ClientOptions = options ?? {};
+    const protocol = o.protocol ? o.protocol.toLowerCase() : "";
+    this.protocol = protocol ? protocol : PROTOCOL_UDP;
+    this.cacheDns = o.cacheDns === true;
+    this.cacheDnsTtl = o.cacheDnsTtl || CACHE_DNS_TTL_DEFAULT;
+    this.host = o.host || process.env["DD_AGENT_HOST"];
+    this.port = o.port || parseInt(process.env["DD_DOGSTATSD_PORT"] ?? "", 10) || 8125;
+    this.path = o.path;
+    this.prefix = o.prefix || "";
+    this.suffix = o.suffix || "";
+    this.tagPrefix = o.tagPrefix || "#";
+    this.tagSeparator = o.tagSeparator || ",";
+    this.mock = o.mock === true;
+    this.telegraf = o.telegraf || false;
+    const globalTags = o.globalTags;
+    this.globalTags = globalTags !== undefined ? formatTags(globalTags, this.telegraf) : [];
+    const entityId = process.env["DD_ENTITY_ID"];
+    if (entityId) {
+      this.globalTags = this.globalTags.filter(
+        (item) => item.indexOf("dd.internal.entity_id:") !== 0,
+      );
+      this.globalTags.push("dd.internal.entity_id:".concat(sanitizeTags(entityId, false)));
+    }
+    this.maxBufferSize = o.maxBufferSize || 0;
+    this.sampleRate = o.sampleRate || 1;
+    this.bufferFlushInterval = o.bufferFlushInterval || 1000;
+    this.bufferHolder = child !== undefined ? child.bufferHolder : new BufferHolder();
+    this.errorHandler = o.errorHandler;
+    const graceful = o.udsGracefulErrorHandling;
+    this.udsGracefulErrorHandling = graceful === undefined ? true : graceful;
+    this.udsGracefulRestartRateLimit =
+      o.udsGracefulRestartRateLimit || UDS_DEFAULT_GRACEFUL_RESTART_LIMIT;
+    this.isChild = child !== undefined;
+    this.closingFlushInterval = o.closingFlushInterval || 50;
+    if (this.mock) this.mockBuffer = [];
+    if (child === undefined && this.maxBufferSize > 0) {
+      const handle = setInterval(() => this.onBufferFlushInterval(), this.bufferFlushInterval);
+      handle.unref();
+      this.stopFlushInterval = () => clearInterval(handle);
+    }
+    if (child !== undefined) {
+      if (child.dnsError) this.dnsError = child.dnsError;
+      this.transport = child.socket;
+    }
+    if (!this.transport) this.transport = createTransport(this);
+    const handler = o.errorHandler;
+    const transport = this.transport;
+    if (transport !== null && child === undefined && handler) transport.onError(handler);
+    if (transport !== null && o.protocol === PROTOCOL_UDS) this.maybeAddUDSErrorHandler();
+  }
+
+  private maybeAddUDSErrorHandler(): void {
+    if (this.isChild || !this.udsGracefulErrorHandling) return;
+    const transport = this.transport;
+    if (transport !== null) transport.onError((err) => this.udsErrorHandler(err));
+  }
+
+  private udsErrorHandler(err: Error): void {
+    const code = Number((err as NodeJS.ErrnoException).code);
+    if (!UDS_ERROR_CODES.includes(-code)) return;
+    const socket = this.transport;
+    if (socket === null) return;
+    if (!socket.createdAt || Date.now() - socket.createdAt < this.udsGracefulRestartRateLimit) {
+      return;
+    }
+    const handler = this.errorHandler;
+    if (handler) socket.offError(handler);
+    const newSocket = createTransport(this);
+    if (newSocket === null) {
+      const errorMessage = "Could not replace UDS connection with new socket";
+      if (handler) {
+        handler(new Error(errorMessage));
+      } else {
+        console.error(errorMessage);
+      }
+      return;
+    }
+    socket.close();
+    this.transport = newSocket;
+    this.maybeAddUDSErrorHandler();
+    if (handler) {
+      newSocket.onError(handler);
+    } else {
+      newSocket.onError((error) => console.error(`hot-shots UDS error: ${String(error)}`));
+    }
+  }
+
+  // ── stats functions ──
+
+  timing(stat: string | string[], time: number, sampleRate?: number, tags?: Tags, callback?: StatsCb): void;
+  timing(stat: string | string[], time: number, tags?: Tags, callback?: StatsCb): void;
+  timing(stat: string | string[], time: number, callback?: StatsCb): void;
+  timing(stat: string | string[], time: number, sampleRate?: number, callback?: StatsCb): void;
+  timing(
+    stat: string | string[],
+    time: number,
+    sampleRate?: SampleArg,
+    tags?: TagsArg,
+    callback?: StatsCb,
+  ): void {
+    this.sendAll(stat, time, "ms", sampleRate, tags, callback);
+  }
+
+  increment(stat: string, tags?: Tags): void;
+  increment(stat: string | string[], value: number, sampleRate?: number, tags?: Tags, callback?: StatsCb): void;
+  increment(stat: string | string[], value: number, tags?: Tags, callback?: StatsCb): void;
+  increment(stat: string | string[], value: number, callback?: StatsCb): void;
+  increment(stat: string | string[], value: number, sampleRate?: number, callback?: StatsCb): void;
+  increment(
+    stat: string | string[],
+    value?: number | Tags,
+    sampleRate?: SampleArg,
+    tags?: TagsArg,
+    callback?: StatsCb,
+  ): void {
+    // A non-number second argument of a two-argument call is the tags.
+    let amount = 1;
+    let tagArg: TagsArg = tags;
+    if (typeof value === "number") {
+      amount = value;
+    } else if (sampleRate === undefined && tags === undefined && callback === undefined) {
+      tagArg = value;
+    }
+    this.sendAll(stat, amount, "c", sampleRate, tagArg, callback);
+  }
+
+  decrement(stat: string, tags?: Tags): void;
+  decrement(stat: string | string[], value: number, sampleRate?: number, tags?: Tags, callback?: StatsCb): void;
+  decrement(stat: string | string[], value: number, tags?: Tags, callback?: StatsCb): void;
+  decrement(stat: string | string[], value: number, callback?: StatsCb): void;
+  decrement(stat: string | string[], value: number, sampleRate?: number, callback?: StatsCb): void;
+  decrement(
+    stat: string | string[],
+    value?: number | Tags,
+    sampleRate?: SampleArg,
+    tags?: TagsArg,
+    callback?: StatsCb,
+  ): void {
+    let amount = 1;
+    let tagArg: TagsArg = tags;
+    if (typeof value === "number") {
+      amount = value;
+    } else if (sampleRate === undefined && tags === undefined && callback === undefined) {
+      tagArg = value;
+    }
+    this.sendAll(stat, -amount, "c", sampleRate, tagArg, callback);
+  }
+
+  histogram(stat: string | string[], value: number, sampleRate?: number, tags?: Tags, callback?: StatsCb): void;
+  histogram(stat: string | string[], value: number, tags?: Tags, callback?: StatsCb): void;
+  histogram(stat: string | string[], value: number, callback?: StatsCb): void;
+  histogram(stat: string | string[], value: number, sampleRate?: number, callback?: StatsCb): void;
+  histogram(
+    stat: string | string[],
+    value: number,
+    sampleRate?: SampleArg,
+    tags?: TagsArg,
+    callback?: StatsCb,
+  ): void {
+    this.sendAll(stat, value, "h", sampleRate, tags, callback);
+  }
+
+  distribution(stat: string | string[], value: number, sampleRate?: number, tags?: Tags, callback?: StatsCb): void;
+  distribution(stat: string | string[], value: number, tags?: Tags, callback?: StatsCb): void;
+  distribution(stat: string | string[], value: number, callback?: StatsCb): void;
+  distribution(stat: string | string[], value: number, sampleRate?: number, callback?: StatsCb): void;
+  distribution(
+    stat: string | string[],
+    value: number,
+    sampleRate?: SampleArg,
+    tags?: TagsArg,
+    callback?: StatsCb,
+  ): void {
+    this.sendAll(stat, value, "d", sampleRate, tags, callback);
+  }
+
+  gauge(stat: string | string[], value: number, sampleRate?: number, tags?: Tags, callback?: StatsCb): void;
+  gauge(stat: string | string[], value: number, tags?: Tags, callback?: StatsCb): void;
+  gauge(stat: string | string[], value: number, callback?: StatsCb): void;
+  gauge(stat: string | string[], value: number, sampleRate?: number, callback?: StatsCb): void;
+  gauge(
+    stat: string | string[],
+    value: number,
+    sampleRate?: SampleArg,
+    tags?: TagsArg,
+    callback?: StatsCb,
+  ): void {
+    this.sendAll(stat, value, "g", sampleRate, tags, callback);
+  }
+
+  set(stat: string | string[], value: number | string, sampleRate?: number, tags?: Tags, callback?: StatsCb): void;
+  set(stat: string | string[], value: number | string, tags?: Tags, callback?: StatsCb): void;
+  set(stat: string | string[], value: number | string, callback?: StatsCb): void;
+  set(stat: string | string[], value: number | string, sampleRate?: number, callback?: StatsCb): void;
+  set(
+    stat: string | string[],
+    value: number | string,
+    sampleRate?: SampleArg,
+    tags?: TagsArg,
+    callback?: StatsCb,
+  ): void {
+    this.sendAll(stat, value, "s", sampleRate, tags, callback);
+  }
+
+  unique(stat: string | string[], value: number | string, sampleRate?: number, tags?: Tags, callback?: StatsCb): void;
+  unique(stat: string | string[], value: number | string, tags?: Tags, callback?: StatsCb): void;
+  unique(stat: string | string[], value: number | string, callback?: StatsCb): void;
+  unique(stat: string | string[], value: number | string, sampleRate?: number, callback?: StatsCb): void;
+  unique(
+    stat: string | string[],
+    value: number | string,
+    sampleRate?: SampleArg,
+    tags?: TagsArg,
+    callback?: StatsCb,
+  ): void {
+    this.sendAll(stat, value, "s", sampleRate, tags, callback);
+  }
+
+  check(
+    name: string,
+    status: DatadogChecksValues,
+    options?: CheckOptions,
+    tags?: Tags | StatsCb,
+    callback?: StatsCb,
+  ): void {
+    if (this.telegraf) {
+      const err = new Error("Not supported by Telegraf / InfluxDB");
+      if (callback) return callback(err);
+      const handler = this.errorHandler;
+      if (handler) return handler(err);
+      throw err;
+    }
+    const check: string[] = ["_sc", this.prefix + name + this.suffix, String(status)];
+    const metadata: CheckOptions = options ?? {};
+    const happened = metadata.date_happened;
+    if (happened) {
+      const timestamp = formatDate(happened);
+      if (timestamp) check.push(`d:${timestamp}`);
+    }
+    if (metadata.hostname) check.push(`h:${metadata.hostname}`);
+    let mergedTags = this.globalTags;
+    if (tags !== undefined && typeof tags !== "function") {
+      mergedTags = overrideTags(mergedTags, tags, this.telegraf);
+    }
+    if (mergedTags.length > 0) check.push(`#${mergedTags.join(",")}`);
+    if (metadata.message) check.push(`m:${metadata.message}`);
+    let cb = callback;
+    if (typeof tags === "function" && callback === undefined) cb = tags;
+    this.sendRaw(check.join("|"), cb);
+  }
+
+  event(
+    title: string,
+    text?: string,
+    options?: EventOptions,
+    tags?: Tags | StatsCb,
+    callback?: StatsCb,
+  ): void {
+    if (this.telegraf) {
+      const err = new Error("Not supported by Telegraf / InfluxDB");
+      if (callback) return callback(err);
+      const handler = this.errorHandler;
+      if (handler) return handler(err);
+      throw err;
+    }
+    const msgTitle = String(title ? title : "");
+    let msgText = String(text ? text : msgTitle);
+    msgText = msgText.replace(/\n/g, "\\n");
+    let message = `_e{${msgTitle.length},${msgText.length}}:${msgTitle}|${msgText}`;
+    if (options) {
+      const happened = options.date_happened;
+      if (happened) {
+        const timestamp = formatDate(happened);
+        if (timestamp) message += `|d:${timestamp}`;
+      }
+      if (options.hostname) message += `|h:${options.hostname}`;
+      if (options.aggregation_key) message += `|k:${options.aggregation_key}`;
+      if (options.priority) message += `|p:${options.priority}`;
+      if (options.source_type_name) message += `|s:${options.source_type_name}`;
+      if (options.alert_type) message += `|t:${options.alert_type}`;
+    }
+    let cb = callback;
+    let tagList: Tags | undefined = undefined;
+    if (typeof tags === "function") {
+      if (callback === undefined) cb = tags;
+    } else {
+      tagList = tags;
+    }
+    this.send(message, tagList, cb);
+  }
+
+  // ── sending ──
+
+  private sendAll(
+    stat: string | string[],
+    value: number | string,
+    type: string,
+    sampleRateArg: SampleArg,
+    tagsArg: TagsArg,
+    callbackArg: StatsCb | undefined,
+  ): void {
+    let sampleRate: number | undefined = undefined;
+    let tags: Tags | undefined = undefined;
+    let callback: StatsCb | undefined = callbackArg;
+    if (typeof sampleRateArg === "number") {
+      sampleRate = sampleRateArg;
+      if (typeof tagsArg === "function") {
+        callback = tagsArg;
+      } else {
+        tags = tagsArg;
+      }
+    } else if (sampleRateArg !== undefined) {
+      // A non-number sample rate shifts into the tags, and the tags
+      // argument into the callback.
+      if (typeof sampleRateArg === "function") {
+        callback = sampleRateArg;
+      } else {
+        tags = sampleRateArg;
+        callback = typeof tagsArg === "function" ? tagsArg : undefined;
+      }
+    } else if (typeof tagsArg === "function") {
+      callback = tagsArg;
+    } else {
+      tags = tagsArg;
+    }
+
+    if (!Array.isArray(stat)) {
+      this.sendStat(stat, value, type, sampleRate, tags, callback);
+      return;
+    }
+    let completed = 0;
+    let calledback = false;
+    let sentBytes = 0;
+    const count = stat.length;
+    const onSend: StatsCb = (error, bytes) => {
+      completed += 1;
+      if (calledback) return;
+      if (error) {
+        if (callback !== undefined) {
+          calledback = true;
+          callback(error);
+        } else {
+          const handler = this.errorHandler;
+          if (handler) {
+            calledback = true;
+            handler(error);
+          }
+        }
+        return;
+      }
+      if (bytes) sentBytes += bytes as number;
+      if (completed === count && callback !== undefined) callback(null, sentBytes);
+    };
+    for (const item of stat) this.sendStat(item, value, type, sampleRate, tags, onSend);
+  }
+
+  private sendStat(
+    stat: string,
+    value: number | string,
+    type: string,
+    sampleRateArg: number | undefined,
+    tags: Tags | undefined,
+    callback: StatsCb | undefined,
+  ): void {
+    let message = `${this.prefix + stat + this.suffix}:${value}|${type}`;
+    const sampleRate = sampleRateArg || this.sampleRate;
+    if (sampleRate && sampleRate < 1) {
+      if (Math.random() < sampleRate) {
+        message += `|@${sampleRate}`;
+      } else {
+        if (callback) callback(undefined);
+        return;
+      }
+    }
+    this.send(message, tags, callback);
+  }
+
+  private send(message: string, tags: Tags | undefined, callback: StatsCb | undefined): void {
+    let mergedTags = this.globalTags;
+    if (tags !== undefined) mergedTags = overrideTags(mergedTags, tags, this.telegraf);
+    if (mergedTags.length > 0) {
+      if (this.telegraf) {
+        const parts = message.split(":");
+        message = `${parts[0]!},${mergedTags.join(",").replace(/:/g, "=")}:${parts.slice(1).join(":")}`;
+      } else {
+        message += `|${this.tagPrefix}${mergedTags.join(this.tagSeparator)}`;
+      }
+    }
+    this.sendRaw(message, callback);
+  }
+
+  /** hot-shots' `_send`: the message with its tags. */
+  private sendRaw(message: string, callback: StatsCb | undefined): void {
+    const dnsError = this.dnsError;
+    if (dnsError) {
+      if (callback) return callback(dnsError);
+      const handler = this.errorHandler;
+      if (handler) return handler(dnsError);
+      throw dnsError;
+    }
+    if (!this.mock) {
+      if (this.maxBufferSize === 0) {
+        this.sendMessage(message, callback);
+      } else {
+        this.enqueue(message, callback);
+      }
+    } else {
+      const buffer = this.mockBuffer;
+      if (buffer !== undefined) buffer.push(message);
+      if (callback) callback(null, 0);
+    }
+  }
+
+  private enqueue(message: string, callback: StatsCb | undefined): void {
+    message += "\n";
+    if (this.bufferHolder.buffer.length + message.length > this.maxBufferSize) {
+      this.flushQueue(callback);
+      this.bufferHolder.buffer += message;
+    } else {
+      this.bufferHolder.buffer += message;
+      if (callback) callback(null);
+    }
+  }
+
+  private flushQueue(callback?: StatsCb): void {
+    this.sendMessage(this.bufferHolder.buffer, callback);
+    this.bufferHolder.buffer = "";
+  }
+
+  private sendMessage(message: string, callback: StatsCb | undefined): void {
+    if (message === "") {
+      if (callback) callback(null);
+      return;
+    }
+    const socketWasMissing = this.transport === null;
+    if (socketWasMissing && this.protocol === PROTOCOL_UDS) {
+      this.transport = createTransport(this);
+      if (this.transport !== null) this.maybeAddUDSErrorHandler();
+    }
+    const socket = this.transport;
+    if (socketWasMissing || socket === null) {
+      const error = new Error("Socket not created properly. Check previous errors for details.");
+      if (callback) return callback(error);
+      const handler = this.errorHandler;
+      if (handler) return handler(error);
+      console.error(String(error));
+      return;
+    }
+    const handleCallback = (err: Error | null, bytes?: number): void => {
+      this.messagesInFlight--;
+      let errFormatted: Error | null = null;
+      if (err) {
+        errFormatted = errorWithCode(
+          `Error sending hot-shots message: ${String(err)}`,
+          (err as NodeJS.ErrnoException).code,
+        );
+        if (this.protocol === PROTOCOL_UDS && (callback || this.errorHandler)) {
+          this.udsErrorHandler(err);
+        }
+      }
+      if (callback) {
+        callback(errFormatted, bytes);
+      } else if (errFormatted) {
+        const handler = this.errorHandler;
+        if (handler) {
+          handler(errFormatted);
+        } else {
+          console.error(String(errFormatted));
+        }
+      }
+    };
+    try {
+      this.messagesInFlight++;
+      socket.send(Buffer.from(message), handleCallback);
+    } catch (err) {
+      handleCallback(err as Error);
+    }
+  }
+
+  private onBufferFlushInterval(): void {
+    this.flushQueue();
+  }
+
+  close(callback?: (error?: Error) => void): void {
+    const stop = this.stopFlushInterval;
+    if (stop !== undefined) stop();
+    this.flushQueue((err) => {
+      if (err) {
+        if (callback) return callback(err);
+        console.error(err);
+        return;
+      }
+      let intervalAttempts = 0;
+      const waitForMessages = setInterval(() => {
+        intervalAttempts++;
+        if (intervalAttempts > 10) {
+          console.log("hot-shots could not clear out messages in flight but closing anyways");
+          this.messagesInFlight = 0;
+        }
+        if (this.messagesInFlight <= 0) {
+          clearInterval(waitForMessages);
+          this.closeSocket(callback);
+        }
+      }, this.closingFlushInterval);
+    });
+  }
+
+  private closeSocket(callback: ((error?: Error) => void) | undefined): void {
+    let handledError = false;
+    const handleErr = (err: unknown): void => {
+      const errMessage = `Error closing hot-shots socket: ${String(err)}`;
+      if (handledError) {
+        console.error(errMessage);
+      } else {
+        handledError = true;
+        if (callback) {
+          callback(new Error(errMessage));
+        } else {
+          const handler = this.errorHandler;
+          if (handler) {
+            handler(new Error(errMessage));
+          } else {
+            console.error(errMessage);
+          }
+        }
+      }
+    };
+    const socket = this.transport;
+    if (socket === null) {
+      handleErr(new TypeError("Cannot read properties of null (reading 'removeListener')"));
+      return;
+    }
+    const handler = this.errorHandler;
+    if (handler) socket.offError(handler);
+    socket.onError(handleErr);
+    if (callback) {
+      socket.onClose(() => {
+        if (!handledError) callback(undefined);
+      });
+    }
+    try {
+      socket.close();
+    } catch (err) {
+      handleErr(err);
+    }
+  }
+
+  childClient(options?: ChildClientOptions): StatsD {
+    const o: ChildClientOptions = options ?? {};
+    const childTags = o.globalTags;
+    return new StatsD(
+      {
+        isChild: true,
+        errorHandler: o.errorHandler || this.errorHandler,
+        host: this.host,
+        port: this.port,
+        tagPrefix: this.tagPrefix,
+        tagSeparator: this.tagSeparator,
+        prefix: (o.prefix || "") + this.prefix,
+        suffix: this.suffix + (o.suffix || ""),
+        globalize: false,
+        mock: this.mock,
+        globalTags:
+          childTags !== undefined
+            ? overrideTags(this.globalTags, childTags, this.telegraf)
+            : this.globalTags,
+        maxBufferSize: this.maxBufferSize,
+        bufferFlushInterval: this.bufferFlushInterval,
+        telegraf: this.telegraf,
+        protocol: this.protocol === "tcp" ? "tcp" : this.protocol === "uds" ? "uds" : "udp",
+        closingFlushInterval: this.closingFlushInterval,
+      },
+      new ChildInit(this.transport, this.bufferHolder, this.dnsError),
+    );
+  }
+}
+
 export default StatsD;
diff --git a/packages/compiler/src/frontend/lowering/lower-dgram.ts b/packages/compiler/src/frontend/lowering/lower-dgram.ts
index aa90fc7c7..0e0ddf975 100644
--- a/packages/compiler/src/frontend/lowering/lower-dgram.ts
+++ b/packages/compiler/src/frontend/lowering/lower-dgram.ts
@@ -612,8 +612,10 @@ export function lowerDgramMethodCall(
       const fn: IrLibFn = data.type.kind === "string" ? "dgram.sendStr" : "dgram.sendBytes";
       return { kind: "libCall", fn, args: [receiver, data, port, host], type: VOID, loc };
     }
+    // TypeScript reaches the ladder for the completion-callback form
+    // send(msg, port, address, callback) (the hot-shots package shim).
     if (
-      isJsSourceFile(ts.getSourceFileOfNode(call)) &&
+      (isJsSourceFile(ts.getSourceFileOfNode(call)) || args.length === 4) &&
       args.length <= 6 &&
       !args.some(ts.isSpreadElement)
     ) {